It’s been ages since I typed for my blog…for very any reasons, I’ve tried to stay away.
1.lack of what to type.
Ok maybe I am lying about “1”
I actually have what to type but the problem is how I express myself without hurting.
The past couple of months have been rather rough.
The loss of my mom, me being ill for about 3weeks before that happened and 2 after it.
Ok….maybe I should start with how I miss my mom and how painful it is that I know I’ll never see her again…today I was thinking to myself “all you have left are the words she left you with” stay focused my boy”…those words keep ringing in my head…so much so it has become some mantra I live with.
When trying to stay focused…many things come your way…more distractions. You know the saying that goes “mo money…mo problems”…I think this is a case of “more attempts at concentration…more distractions”…now I wonder if I’m making sense…
Truth is…a lot has gone down…me trying to be a different person….trying to have a girlfriend…
Yes…I tried having a girlfriend. Trust me! It didn’t go very well.
Samantha’s a girl I met by “accident”(using this word cos I have run out of right words)…it was not supposed to happen but it did… I have a friend called Alex...he tells his girl how he thinks I’m lonely and wants me to get involved with someone…so I get hooked up. Not with Samantha though. With a girl named Doreen. Doreen and I got along pretty well…but she has a boyfriend…I ask myself why I keep meeting girls that have boyfriends…a friend of mine told me I like to take girls away from their bfs(short for boyfriend) or make them cheat…well…maybe…but then again…maybe it’s not so true. I only think it’s as a result of “circumstance”. Back to my story. Doreen’s a nice girl and I don’t want to make her leave her bf…not a very nice thing to do so I back out slowly and one day call Alex’s girl…she says…hold on a friend of mine wants to speak with you…so she comes on and yes…it is Samantha.
We get along really well on the phone…she was very supportive….kept calling me at first even though I never really returned her calls until a certain time came. I tell her about my status…she was there for me when I was admitted in hospital…I lost my mom when I was admitted btw…so yes she was there the whole period…calling me n all…we hadn’t yet met. I go through with laying my ma to rest and then get back to school for my exams…then it’s time for her to come see me. She came…we bonded…I decided to try dating.
Let me tell you though…Samantha is a certified nutt…she’s a known crazy girl…I don’t know about her being worldly though…but yes a certified nutt.
Samantha and I started speaking in February…and she came to see me sometime in the end of march…so we dated about 1month. The thing about me…when it comes to…I like to let go…dive into it..see where it goes…she was a girl I wanted…I saw possibilities…what I needed. Anyways, I get home in the end of april and she comes to see me early this month. It is her birthday so we spend it together...she’s from the niger-delta…so you can imagine the distance she travelled to come see me each time. Anyways, she’s in lagos and I’m happy…a friend of mine’s also here with us…we have a ball…everything is great…until the day before she leaves.
My friend isn’t feeling too well so he’s resting in my room…looks like he’s sleeping. I leave the room…..
He narrated this to me the following morning after we drop her off at the bus station.
“Samantha was on the phone with two guys…she tapped me after the first phone conversation with some guy but I didn’t respond…so she calls another guy thinking I’m asleep”
Samantha: hello dear how are you doing?
Guy: I’m fine…where are you?
Samantha: I’m in lagos I came to see “a friend”
Guy: what d o you mean? You are lying!
Samantha: no I’m not lying, I came to see a friend…you know you are the only one that cane take care of me my dear….
……that’s the much I want to remember cos when he was telling me the story I phased out of earth J
Anyways, Samantha’s gone and I am here wondering what to do…she says she loves me…I say BS.
Some negative stuff went down that I’ll rather not type…from what I have though…I need blogville to make suggestions…
Where to from here?...this is someone I may have had a future with…my friend says to wait until I have something bigger to nail her. It makes sense to me but I am rather impatient and just want to let go of it all. My friend thinks she’s about the cash…where is it though? I wonder….another friend of mine says…it’s still a young relationship so if I want her I have to fight for her or try to make things change.
My head is jammed now….HELP!!!!