Monday, May 26, 2008

4 Weird Things

4 weird things about we... i got's never happened before now!

I begin...

I'm fund of keeping biscuit or sweet wrappers in my pocket...just so i don't litter...(i've written this before)

As i am really hairy...i love to shave my chest hair...and have a haircut every 4 to 7days.

I'm a HUGE internet junkie...and if i'm allowed, i'll download the whole of it! The internet that is.

ok.....lastly, i love to chew ice....have loved it since i was a kid...i share this quality with a friend of mine that i love dearly...if only she'll start blogging again.

where are you miss...Chinwe:)

this has been rather short but i'm really tired and couldn't wait to get it over n done with!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Compilation of 2 Months

It’s been ages since I typed for my blog…for very any reasons, I’ve tried to stay away.

1.lack of what to type.

Ok maybe I am lying about “1”

I actually have what to type but the problem is how I express myself without hurting.

The past couple of months have been rather rough.

The loss of my mom, me being ill for about 3weeks before that happened and 2 after it.

Ok….maybe I should start with how I miss my mom and how painful it is that I know I’ll never see her again…today I was thinking to myself “all you have left are the words she left you with” stay focused my boy”…those words keep ringing in my head…so much so it has become some mantra I live with.

When trying to stay focused…many things come your way…more distractions. You know the saying that goes “mo money…mo problems”…I think this is a case of “more attempts at concentration…more distractions”…now I wonder if I’m making sense…

Truth is…a lot has gone down…me trying to be a different person….trying to have a girlfriend…

Yes…I tried having a girlfriend. Trust me! It didn’t go very well.

Samantha’s a girl I met by “accident”(using this word cos I have run out of right words)…it was not supposed to happen but it did… I have a friend called Alex...he tells his girl how he thinks I’m lonely and wants me to get involved with someone…so I get hooked up. Not with Samantha though. With a girl named Doreen. Doreen and I got along pretty well…but she has a boyfriend…I ask myself why I keep meeting girls that have boyfriends…a friend of mine told me I like to take girls away from their bfs(short for boyfriend) or make them cheat…well…maybe…but then again…maybe it’s not so true. I only think it’s as a result of “circumstance”. Back to my story. Doreen’s a nice girl and I don’t want to make her leave her bf…not a very nice thing to do so I back out slowly and one day call Alex’s girl…she says…hold on a friend of mine wants to speak with you…so she comes on and yes…it is Samantha.

We get along really well on the phone…she was very supportive….kept calling me at first even though I never really returned her calls until a certain time came. I tell her about my status…she was there for me when I was admitted in hospital…I lost my mom when I was admitted btw…so yes she was there the whole period…calling me n all…we hadn’t yet met. I go through with laying my ma to rest and then get back to school for my exams…then it’s time for her to come see me. She came…we bonded…I decided to try dating.

Let me tell you though…Samantha is a certified nutt…she’s a known crazy girl…I don’t know about her being worldly though…but yes a certified nutt.

Samantha and I started speaking in February…and she came to see me sometime in the end of march…so we dated about 1month. The thing about me…when it comes to…I like to let go…dive into it..see where it goes…she was a girl I wanted…I saw possibilities…what I needed. Anyways, I get home in the end of april and she comes to see me early this month. It is her birthday so we spend it together...she’s from the niger-delta…so you can imagine the distance she travelled to come see me each time. Anyways, she’s in lagos and I’m happy…a friend of mine’s also here with us…we have a ball…everything is great…until the day before she leaves.

My friend isn’t feeling too well so he’s resting in my room…looks like he’s sleeping. I leave the room…..

He narrated this to me the following morning after we drop her off at the bus station.

“Samantha was on the phone with two guys…she tapped me after the first phone conversation with some guy but I didn’t respond…so she calls another guy thinking I’m asleep”

Phone conversation

Samantha: hello dear how are you doing?

Guy: I’m fine…where are you?

Samantha: I’m in lagos I came to see “a friend”

Guy: what d o you mean? You are lying!

Samantha: no I’m not lying, I came to see a friend…you know you are the only one that cane take care of me my dear….

……that’s the much I want to remember cos when he was telling me the story I phased out of earth J

Anyways, Samantha’s gone and I am here wondering what to do…she says she loves me…I say BS.

Some negative stuff went down that I’ll rather not type…from what I have though…I need blogville to make suggestions…

Where to from here?...this is someone I may have had a future with…my friend says to wait until I have something bigger to nail her. It makes sense to me but I am rather impatient and just want to let go of it all. My friend thinks she’s about the cash…where is it though? I wonder….another friend of mine says…it’s still a young relationship so if I want her I have to fight for her or try to make things change.

My head is jammed now….HELP!!!!

Thursday, February 21, 2008


As a child, I really did enjoy my freedom….so much so that I’d love to play in the rain, run loose in my nakedness…but no. I didn’t enjoy that for too long.

Sheesh!!! Me and my civilized parents!

Well down the line, things started changing. I was introduced to pants (briefs):) ... i started to think it was cool then I began having favourite colours of them….red….blue….green. then came the patterned designs. This was forcefully introduced into my life (the things kids go through…hardly ever have a say in their personal affairs). I must confess, I did have a few types of underwear I hated terribly, the white ones I wore. I dreaded them. So anytime “white underwear day” I always came home from school without them
(I bet you are curious where and when I had the time to take em off :) ).

Truth is there came a time I really loved to flaunt my underwear. This was when I had my favourite superheroes plastered on em. From superman to ninja turtles to batman….it was endless. Loved it so much so that boys used to compare their underwear to see who had the “kick ass” superhero of the day.

For some reason, a time came and pants were phased out of my life and boxer shorts were introduced to me…i’ve pretty much worn boxer shorts for well over 13years of my life. It became indoor clothing for me :D. I thoroughly enjoyed the boxer short era so much so that I even had to put up a question on facebook :) “boxers or briefs?” . I got the desired responses to the question…. At this, I’m saying men should give up the idea of briefs. Well at least I thought so until Sunday evening.

Friday (15th of Feb.) afternoon came around and my brother had less than 24hours to come into the country. So I text him at first then “hey man what’s up? Hoping it’s not too late to throw in a last minute request? Pls get me some sets of boxer shorts and……” .

An hour later he called me to tell me I was indeed late. “I’m already at the airport” he said…”sorry”. Damn! I thought to myself as my emotions came crashing. “no new boxer shorts for me.” That was all I had in my head through Saturday and on Sunday afternoon as I was on my way home.

Arriving my destination (not home yet) I went and did the first bit of the stuff I came home for…. Met up with my brother in the hospital (to visit someone most dear to me). On leaving the hospital, we (he, I and my sis) caught up on things. Getting home, I see the his suitcase in the room…this and that over the place. Then he says “these are for you, I got them before you asked me for the boxer shorts”. I thought to myself…”did this dude buy me briefs?” cos that was the first thing I was able to make out from reading the pack. “sigh” they weren’t briefs….. They were the the things I thought weirdest.

They were boxer briefs…. He said to me “they are a lot better than bpxer shorts for me…more absorbent n all”…..

Well…I tried em out…I loved it…particularly the em bulge in the front and back:D… really comfortable though. Ladies you might want to recommend em for your men. Say you wanna get turned on easily ;)…

Anyways, the first I wore was red…a friend of mine said “you look fantastic tooch! Run around without your jeans”…lol

That’s about it for me now….i’ve found something new and they are my first ever.

I love em… Do you?

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Dude, Where’s my flame?

My flames gone.


Last year I was on fire.

I met a girl at some point in July.

Really stunning bomb. Lovely eyes. Fantastic legs. Her list of perfection was so long it would fill up an entire Cosmo magazine. She was a challenge.

So I walked up to her.

Said hi.

She said hi back.

We kissed 2 weeks later. And I’m not talking the Arabian kind.

I’m talking kissing as in French. Paris.

Me developing an Eiffel tower.


2 weeks


In August I met another chick. Lovely girl. Fantastic eyes. She might not have been as fantastic as Miss July but she was close. Close to a Cosmo mag edition. Now that’s hot isn’t it? Miss July had left me. Seems Miss July had a boyfriend. Some guy who lived in America and was due to return. I had to take a hike. We had kissed. Maybe more. Stop wondering.

So Miss July had left for true love. Sad but inevitable.

The rules of Rock paper scissors.

I’m hot and all, but love beats fire.

Miss July was gone. I was without a kiss mate. It was inevitable that I had to find someone else. SO come August I stopped feeling kinda sorry for myself and kinda got to work.

I went to the palms. I have a friend who told me that everything is sold at the palms. Even wives and girlfriends. He wasn’t wrong. The palms is a great pick up spot. It’s got al the essentials for romance. You meet a girl. You walk into a bar. Buy her a drink. Take her upstairs watch a movie. 2 movies after you hit the jewel store and buy her a diamond ring. You walk in single and you walk out engaged.

Thank you for shopping. Please come back again.

The advertising power of a face book community without the associated delay.

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Palms.

So I met Miss August at the palms.

Believe the Hype.

I was standing upstairs at the cinema lounge trying to decide between re-watching Die hard 4 or finally watching the latest Harry Porter installment.

I was staring thoughtfully at the stairs and then she walked up. I’ve told this story a hundred times but no one believes me. What’s the greatest single movie moment in James Bond’s Die another day?

Did you say the end credits?

Well... yes…. possibly.

But other than that what might be the next?

I’ll tell you.

Halle Berry walking up the stairs from the beach clad in that bikini. DO you remember the scene? The hips. The sway. The way time seemed to pause with each swing from side to side.

Does anyone remember that scene?

Can anyone possibly forget?

I hear God watched the scene and whispered to himself

“Damn it. I’m good.”

Just rumor.


Miss August knocked the scene out of my head.

Hold the bat, hit the ball, it’s a home run.

She cleared the scene right out of my head.

Halle Berry’s walk was good but Miss August’s version?

I had a mini orgasm on the spot.

She gave me a look as she topped the stairs. Her lip gloss begged to be smudged.

I gave a quirky smile. And walked over.

I was nervous mind you. My hands where all jittery. I tried clenching but that didn’t work so I just stuck em in my pocket. Fortunately I was wearing a pair of jeans so they didn’t look like I had chickens hidden in them.

I wish I had a drink.

Martini. Shaken not stirred.

Nice one Bond.

I was nervous. But I dug in and played my cards

Took me one minute and I had her number.

One minute,


That was me.

The rest of the year went on like that.

Almost every week I met some gorgeous chick

Everything I said was funny.

Everything I did was cool. I was like Africans version of Casanova. Mr. Cool.

Dbanj’s mentor. A better looking Don Jazzy.

Way better!

I was on fire.

My friends just didn’t understand it. What’s your secret? They asked me.

I just smiled, laughed and asked that I be not disturbed till the next morning,

I wish I had told them back then because whatever the secret was, I need it now.

You see my fire’s gone.

Gone. Gone. Gone.

All off a sudden I woke up to realize that I don’t have any chick to call when I’m lonely.

And it’s not from want of trying.

It’s like my fairy godmother went for some seminar in Iraq and got shot.

My MOjo’s all gone.

I tried to chat up a chick yesterday.
She wasn’t even that good looking. Nothing like Miss Cosmopolitan. She barely managed to qualify for a sun girl.

But I was testing my powers. I wanted to see if I still had it.

You’re reading my post. You’ve seen the title. I don’t have to spell it out do I?

Because… I don’t have it.

She turned me down. Not badly mind you. She laughed. Said how cute I was. Ignored all my advances and walked away.


Mr. Fire?

She walked away.

Is it a valentine thing or what?

SO now it’s been 2 months without a girl.

I can’t figure out what the hell’s going on.

And I ask you.

Dude, Where’s my flame?”

Sunday, February 3, 2008


Whenever the month of February comes up there are three things in the air.
The shock that the first month of the year is gone and with it the novelty of the New Year. Once again time has rudely reminded us that it waits for no man. It’s all well and good if we want to celebrate New Year forever but as far as it’s concerned. New Year ended one second after midnight on the first.
The sad realization that we have broken almost all of our New Year resolution and accomplished virtually none our goals.
Valentine. And with it the spirit of love.

It’s obvious given the above choices which of the three I am going to talk about. We never really get to talk enough about it anyway.
Yes I am talking about love.
The warm cuddly feeling you get in the pits of your stomach when you meet the right person.
Does anyone know what I’m talking about?
You do?
Well that’s good because I wouldn’t mind someone explaining it all to me.
Thing is. I don’t think I’ve ever been in love.

Oh sure. I’ve had girlfriends—Well, just two girlfriends—But looking back at them I have come to question more and more the sincerity of our relationship’s claim to love. Was I really in love? Was my lack of love a reflection of my cold heartedness or was the issue really the question of love’s credibility.
Is there really anything known as love?
Does love exist?

We watch movies and see instances of acclaimed love. We’ve all watched Titanic. Can we forget Leonardo’s claim to love. His act of unselfish kindness where he surrenders his board—his only source of survival in the middle of the Atlantic ocean---to a girl who he has only met for 24 hours.
We all know the story. He ended up dying because of his act. He froze in the Atlantic while Rose, saved from the unforgiving chills of the ocean, lived to watch his plummet into the shadowy depth of the Ocean. The movie soared up the box office charts and in the hearts of female.
Every girl I know cried when she spoke of the movie.
To all that was love symbolized.
Which brings to fore The question?
Was it?

With barely 2 weeks to go before valentine (yes I said it) I have come to hope that maybe this year I will finally come to experience my first valentine. I have never had a valentine.
Odd I suppose but true.
Every year I have sought to find and experience the feeling that all have mentioned. The feeling of rightness with a female.
And vice versa.
But it is yet to happen.
With my growing failure list I have become increasingly skeptical about the existence of love.
Does it exist?....
What is love actually?
It is a question I will continually ask till I have experienced it. But for now I leave you this little inside into my definition of love…It is a creation of our mind, an imagination and fantasy we sort so hard to experience and create the feelings we acclaim as such because our minds grasping so desperately for this…love…creates it in other to appease itself and us as well. Yes…I think that definition will stand for now…well until I have found what I am looking for.

Have a lovely month of love everyone.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

A friend and I were having a talk.

It’s a certain rule in life that if you have a community with both men and women and give them enough time ,romance will blossom.
It’s an accepted fact in Universities. In our day to day life. And also, as I have come to realize lately, in Blogsville.
I’m probably a bit naïve. When I started blogging I had midst my expectations, an outlet for my depression. A site for laughing at my day’s silliness. A spot wherein I could read about other peoples daily life. Their nuances and highs. I went to blogsville for hope. Romance was not on the list.
In retrospect I should have seen it coming. What better avenue for the sprouting of Romance can one hope to find than one where a persons innermost thoughts and fears are shared.
Romance must occur.
And it did.
Not to me. Not yet.

It happened to two people who have become very good friends of mine.
Fellow bloggers.
The male I shall call Banjo. and the female I shall call Badjer.
Are we ready?
Here’s the story.

Banjo met Badjer over our lovely network called blogspot. It started slow. Each read the others posts and left comments for the other. After a couple of post they came to realize that they shared more than a liking for the site. They shared a similarity in ideas, values and tastes. A couple more days and one of them mustered the courage to take the relationship out of the land of animosity into that of email addresses,numbers and voices. Phone numbers where exchanges. Calls where made. And Cupid sat back and patted himself well done for another good days work.

I watched happy as the relationship took off. They spent days calling each other. I would go visit Banjo in his apartment and meet him on the phone. I’d seat next to him and watch all three installments of the Lord of the Ring trilogy. After the final scene I would turn to look at him and there he would be. Still smiling and chatting happily at Badjer.
It was love.
Trust me.

For two weeks I watched enviously as their love grew. It got annoying when Banjo wouldn’t stop talking about her.
Badjer just called.
Do you think Badjer would like me to wear this shirt?
I’m wondering what Badjer is doing right now?
Is it wrong for me to call her back? I just spoke to her 5 minutes ago?
The lingo of a man smittened with a female.

It was lovely.
And I think I ruined it.

You see eventually I got to chat with Badjer. I was Banjo’s good friend. We were both bloggers. The odds of me talking to Badjer where high.
So we got talking. She was a lovely lady. I could see why Banjo was as smitten with her as he was. She was so graceful on the phone. She had a lovely voice. Her words painted visions of heaven and roses and chocolates and Playstation 3.
It was promise of heaven.
Banjo was a lucky guy.
And I think I ruined it.

You see, I gave her my facebook address. Nothing to it. Just an innocent act of friendship. It changed everything. Thanks to the genius developers of Spacebook she was able to visit the page of Banjo. She went there and flipped.
Thing is Banjo is a very social person. Very. He had over 120 friends. Not bad.. The Dali lama has 130. Anyways… the catch was 118 of them where female.
I suppose given the nature of their meeting she thought that maybe she was just one of the many girls that he was spouting words of love too.
She was in doubt she was worried. So she did what she thought was best.
She called him and asked for his password.
Password to his email and Spacebook accounts.

Banjo was confused. He had no idea why she wanted his passwords. He was also wary. Why did she want his passwords? He decided to meet her half way. He gave her his face book password but firmly refused to divulge his e-mail.

They had a big fight over it.
She yelled about him not trusting her.
He yelled about her not trusting him.
Cupid was somewhere in Iraq during all this.
Anyway, as is bound to happen, things where said out in anger and all of a sudden the perfect relationship seems at an early end.
And it’s my entire fault.

See. I feel guilty, if I hadn’t given her my face book address she wouldn’t have gone to his page. If she hadn’t visited his page she wouldn’t have seen things that would have fanned the flames of her doubts.
If she hadn’t doubted him then they wouldn’t have had the fight.
I’m guilty. Guilty. Guilty.
What shouild i tell him? Is he really guilty?
Morally right?

Tuesday, January 15, 2008


This is for everyone that’s curious about a line from my last post (10 things I ………)

As a much younger Toochi, I had a lot of admirers. Mainly older women. I’m referring to when I was 10years of age. I really never figured it out but that’s the way it was (and still is).

A certain girl (back then) was curious about how I lived my life and developed a rather intense (sexual) interest in me. What did I know back then? I hadn’t even seen any porn movie so it was rather strange. All I was used to was playing “daddy and mommy”. I loved that though it took some getting used to.

Between my sister and I, there’s an age gap of 5years. The girl in question is 2 years or 3 older than my sister. That’s about 8years older than me. I was her younger brother’s friend. We went to the same primary school (Fountain). I’m guessing I made her eager to see me naked :). Anyways, we always had a good conversation each time we met. (Surprised? Some 10year olds are smart).

After school, her brother had extra lessons till about 5pm. One day, she asked that I come after school. Naïve as I was, I did. Got to hers and I got a really warm and long hug ( I smiled). We talked for a few minutes and then she brought out a sheet of paper. It had 5 things listed (peck, kiss, deep kiss, oral sex, sex). Her words to me were “don’t be alarmed. I love you very much”. That seemed to calm me but I was still a little confused. We went through the list 2 per day. On the day we deep kissed, oral sex came with it.

This was the first naked chick I had seen. She had FULL breasts and a butt to complement it. For some reason unknown to me (back then), I started having an erection :). (I’ve always had a full dick. That made her happy). When we deep kissed, I was loosing my mind. All that went through my head was “eeeew! Why the hell is she spitting in my mouth?” :). I adjusted though…. Because I liked when my tongue was tickled by hers and when she sucked my lips and all that (by the way, I’m REALLY ticklish.). I wasn’t done with getting used to that before she dropped the BOMB on me. She said “I want you to eat my pussy” (I felt that was a really cool word for it). So I started…..licking, sucking, nibbling 9 it tasted salty but I was cool with it) until she started moaning, breathing hard then shaking (in order). I was so fucking scared. Thought she was convulsing so I jumped up and started running to the door (butt naked, clothes in my hands). (Don’t laugh!) : )

She came after me but was laughing….i thought she was insane for spooking me that way (little did I know it was only normal). She got me to sit then she pulled my pants off. She sucked me good (now that I think about it) :). We would have done the fifth on the list but for the knock at the door. It was her kid brother. My friend. Anyways, I was eager to go back for more the next day. We went through all she had tutored me on the previous day. NOW! The finale. I was already hard and then she slid my duda in and she moaned. I thought to myself “where did it go?” :). I experienced a nice, warm, moist then wet feeling in there. I loved it! She went through the same shaking breathing hard moaning phase as the day before. Only this time she grabbed me (I was scared) but this was so I wouldn’t run and leave her hanging :). She whispered in my ears “go faster and harder”. I thought I was going to die (of suffocation and fear). She loosened her grip after a minute or so.

Don’t ask me about my orgasm because that came 2years after and I thought it was the most painful thing. I thought my dick was going to blow to smithereens! Instead, something else exploded from it :).

My words afterwards? “SUPER COOL!” :)

You might be wondering what happened after 94’. Well, we moved to a far away place. I must tell you though. I enjoyed EVERYTHING!

That’s how I lost my virginity at age 10. This should be the heading. Anyways.